April 2004 Archives

I'm finally getting my life back in working order. I'm so incredibly tired lately, it's ridiculous. My life is happy now though, dispite a few things. I have reasons to be happy. New clothes: they always make me happy. I want to buy one more shirt from Oakville Places, which I hope to get tomorrow. Work done: I finished all of my work, even when I didn't think I would. I was impressed. My math work was done, and my World Issues work was done. Mr Montanari was talking to my mom at Parent Teacher interviews. I have a 90 in his classes. Something along the lines of 90s are very hard to get in his classes, he doesn't just give them out. Either the only one, or one of few. Something like that. My mom is odd. So she asked him if I was doing my best. I think he had a fit. He ranted about how I do absolutly nothing in his class, and I could be getting a 96% minimum if I put any effort in. But I like sleeping in class. Mel's Party: WOOOOHOOOO! PARTAY!

Rainbow is a really good CD. I realized I hadn't listened to it in a while - blasphemy I know. So many mentions of JPop reminded me of this injustice. I am now listening to it. It's slower than I Am... and I like slow songs now. Heartplace is such an amazing song.

Tuesday was Feeder School Visits. That meant my second day off from school, in two days. I liked it. 4 day weekend! I did really well after my instruments were warmed up. I have a hard time warming the Tenor up, and I didn't get any warm up at all so me trying to play was hilarious. Switching between Alto and Tenor was hard for the first bit, but I got used to it. Feeder School Visits meant no Jazz Band practice. Hurray!

Wednesday was my frist day at school this week. I had to hand in two big assignments. In World Issues I had to hand in my bibliography, except Mr Montanari wasn't there. In Computer Science I slacked, because I'm trying to do the stupid Caesar Cypher thing. Stupid problems. I'll get the work done eventually. Math I had to hand in the assignment. It was all done. Yay. Spirit Award after school. I saw Mike and Kim again. After, Natasha Mike Veronica and I went for food. Good times, and a yearbook.

Today was a half day. Yay halfday. I went to see if Marta was doing anything with me after school, but she already had plans. So Kristen was super nice and drove me home. She had like a full van; I owe people a party. I went to Oakville Place with Heather because I got my van. Then I phone Kaitie and Natasha, and we went to Square One. It was so funny there. The playdium. DDR is tired. Then I dropped people off because I'm crazy. Eventually it was KFC, then back to Oakville Place. I'm so tired. Cocao doesn't smell like sex, it smells like Cocao. Pictures are coming when touchups are done.

The End.

I think the most amusing thing ever is that BoA pronounces tragic as 'tray-gic'. Then again I'm apparently amused by little things. I avoided school today. Which becomes apparent in both the fact that my presence was lacking, and this is posted sometime during the day. I was not feeling up to going. I suddenly don't want to deal with anything. Feeder School visits tomorrow. Two days should be enough time to get my life back into working order.

I was reading my friends livejournal last night. He was one of the guys I met on the cruise. I totally didn't realize he was a grade 11. I feel a little stupid now. He was posting about how his drama play had finished, and he broke down because he didn't want it to be over. Then about how he can't wait for next year because it'll be even better. I think I would give anything to go back and do grade 11 again.

It's amusing. Something like two weeks ago I couldn't wait to get out of highschool. Now I feel like someone strapped a rocket to my back and I'm spinning out of control on my way to grad. I still can't wait to graduate. I just don't want to leave. Especially now of all times. My stance on valedictorian ((val-e-dic-to-ri-an n. The student with the highest academic rank in a class who delivers the valedictory at graduation.) is what it has always been. James wasn't the right person for the job. Valedictorian isn't something based on how much time someone can spend at school avoiding their house. As much as he would have liked to believe it is not based on someone's dedication to their school. In this case it just turned out to be a popularity contest. I think I'm going to find the actual numbers and revel in the fact that it couldn't have possibly been a majority vote since all I heard was "I don't want James to win" or "I hope James doesn't get it".

It's nice outside today. It's almost summer-like weather. I can't wait for summer. For the longest time I've waited for summer to come. Summer means free time, and more things to do. More time to go out and have fun with people. So much for that. I noticed something. I can't stand my house anymore. I'm generally fine when I'm outside somewhere. My house makes me cranky and moody. I don't like it in here. As soon as I step outside, the change is almost instant. Noticeable too.

I have a new smell. I got a free sample of "Chrome" and it's really good. I want to buy it today, but I don't think I'll be able to. I need to put gas in the van. But then I wont have money for the smell or clothes that I want. I need my mommy!

Ok, so I have been pushing this off a little. I definatly could have been busy. I don't think I was though. I just didn't want to blog for a while. School is being a pain. Teachers have stumbled across Mel's archives. It was definatly odd. In World Issues, my culminating is a big waste. I can't find any information on the population situation in Japan. Curses. Computers is intersting. I almost solved a problem, except I couldn't get my array to work. Math is math. I could do work, but I don't.

I've totally reworked my schedule after the last blog. Apparently I'm not allowed to go visit people, so I totally avoided certain areas. Whatever. I feel stupid for doing it now. I mean really, fuck you. That's about it. I actually don't mean that. I'm a little off the wall right now. Still, why should I change what I normally do. Granted, it was suddenly very awkward to go to places I normally went to. It wasn't as fun to go places that normally cheered me up. Hate would be so much easier.

Josh's party was today. Which reminds me I need to add a redefine link thing in for that. It was a lot of fun. Jess, Mel, Heather, Alex, Kaitie, Barone, Changing Colour Man, Claire, et all. It was Kaitie's birthday too, but her party has been postponed because Josh planned his first. Josh really liked his present. I'm not in the right mind set right now to remember the word, but I got him a shirt with an attack from that video game. It has the movements, and then the keys you had to hit. He really liked it. I was happy, because I was trying so hard to find a present. It's hard to find a present for under $30. Actually, impossible. That was more than $30. Not that I'm complaining really. I had to leave early, so I hope I left enough money for my crepe. If not I'll have to pay whoever covered for me. I need to pay Barone anyways.

I've spent an insane amount of time with other other Heather. It's fun. We saw 13 going on 30. I love that movie. I wish I could spend that much time with Marta, but she's always got something to do. Sigh. I didn't get to meet up with Chris like I was supposed to. Something came up. So I was only tripled booked instead of quadrouple booked. Fun life. I found a new smell for me. I like it a lot.

I don't think I'm drinking anymore. I didn't even drink much tonight. It just wasn't as amusing; it totally cut into my time with Marta for which I am upset with myself for letting happen. And everyones all sad. I need to spend time in smaller groups (or alone) with just Krys, and just Jordan and so on. It will make things much easier. I got to have a small talk with Jordan when she drove me home (as I fought the urge to let the whopper come up from my stomach). I really liked it. Except thinking about it makes me angry, because then I remember how other people are stupid. Stupid people make me angry. Then sad. Whatever.

I couldn't sleep, and I'm now off the wall. I managed to hear the funniest thing that cheered me up a lot. Apparently, I'm not allowed to have friends who go to other schools. Also, in addition to that: I'm not going to visit them, I'm randomly going to other schools. I honestly couldn't breath it made me laugh so hard. I'm also very cafeinated. Next time I'm going to have to remember to go to a fast food place or something. Or enroll in a school that isn't so testy about having people from other schools show up in the caf.

At this point, I don't care if there's actually an ounce of truth in what I was told. I know there is, because there's no reason for it to be a lie. It's still funny though; I would piss my pants laughing even if it was a lie. Wheee. Quiznos Subs!

I was enjoying the sleep I was getting. I hadn't gotten any sleep all night. No reason why I hadn't slept. I wasn't caffienated. I had been tired all day. As soon as I got into bed though, I didn't sleep. So I was enjoying the fact that I was sleeping (assuming one can enjoy sleep while he's sleeping). Suffice to say I wasn't impressed when I felt something prodding my side. Someone was calling me, and as much as I would have loved to ignore it I knew I'd have to answer sooner or later. So I opened my eyes expecting to find my mother waking me up for school. It wasn't.

I was lying on a desk, Jess was poking my side and some teacher was at the front of the class looking angry. I think I just about died; at the very least my eyes must have jumped out of my head. I did managed to fall out of my chair and land on the ground. Enter the most emotionally disturbing dream I've had.

I dreampt I went to woss (which is traumatizing as is), only I wasn't me. Well I was me, only me was someone else. Everyone thought I had gone crazy when I talked about going to Trinity. All of my courses were different. I was actually active enough to play on the teams - as opposed to just playing when I felt like getting up off my ass. I knew things I wasn't supposed to know (i.e. Math, because I only took Data, and I was only half way through). It was creepy. Creepier still, I was almost happy. Well I was happy. I got a part in some drama production by just walking in (although that wouldn't have been much different from Fame). I was lost wandering the halls in a confused state when I accidentally walked into what was the drama room. Some guy was like: You! Talk. So I started talking; an impromptu monologue.

Then I woke up again after a day at woss, and walked right into a day at Trinity. For the first time ever, I need to get a mark up. My discrete mark is just gross. It's down 12% from my average. Lots of fun. Ms Castellarin gave me an earfull when she found out I may not go to university next year. Oh how I miss that class. Ms Bracco nearly died when she found out that I might stay back. Then proceeded to give me an earful. Stupid Discrete Mark.

I finally saw Jess again today. I demanded a booty call. So we went out. We accomplished a lot of nothing. It took about 3 hours to get to Oakville Place (it didn't help that a certain woman in my passenger seat said "go straight"). We harrassed Appleby Kids. Crazy private school kids. Oakville place for all of two seconds was fun. She almost raped some hot guy. Very amusing. I broke the escalator with my ass. I'm not fat, really. Booster Juice was also amusing; I can heat it up for you. Yikes. I went out for soup at 10:30 with Torie. Only I never actually got soup. I was to unstable. I'm not white, I swear!

I can't stand how childish some people can be. 119 hits from Hamilton. I wonder who I know in Kitchener - and why AppleGeeks has links reffering to my site. Unless it's Eugene. :|

I think it is seriously time for summer vacation. I don't want to be in school anymore. I think I just don't want to be at Holy Trinity anymore. This is going to sound horrible, but I want out. I want something new. It's not meant in a way where I don't want anything to do with my friends anymore. I just don't want to be at that school anymore. I hate too many people there. I've officially decided on my fall-back plan. If I don't get into Waterloo I'm staying back at taking a semester at WOSS. Then I'll work and loaf.

I hate how that bothers people. "Why aren't you staying at Trinity?" That's all I get. Except from the people going to WOSS (which is all the intended super seniors). That's why I'm going there. Even if I'm not in classes with everyone my age, I'll be at a school with people my age. I'm pretty sure a bunch of people are staying back. I would most definatly take fun classes like Drama, Astronomy and History. They would boost my average, and be easy. They would be fun. Whatever.

I hate when people make comment about I don't go out with Marta. Especially when it's from someone who is totally uninformed and has no idea what's going on. If I don't go out with Marta on a night, it is most likely because she has previous plans. Her life does not revolve around me. It's not odd, or strange. So don't be an idiot and say something like that.

I had three extra large coffees. My brain hurts.

People don't blog. Then I don't blog. It's a vicious circle. I really wanted to go see Christina Aguilera in concert. I don't think I'm allowed to. Someone's going to die. I also really want the No.1 CD. BoA alone puts every single North American dacner to shame. I was embarassed for Britney Spears when I saw a clip of her performing Toxic at a concert with BoA. I still watch it though, because it's Toxic and I love it. Muahaha ringtones!

I loafed around for most of today. My chest was hurting after I gashed it open, so it was hard to move around. I didn't get much sleep last night either. A combination of the gash on my chest that made it hard to find a position that didn't hurt, and a lot of coffee. I managed to half finish my individual archive layout, complete with a picture of the epic loremaster from D&D (because I'm a loser). I have to finish it up with a little side bar explaining the layout (and because there's a lot of empty space on the left side).

I've had a series of creepy weird dreams over the past few nights. I don't remember when, but one night I had a dream we went to Asialand (PMall) again. We went over the the heritage place beside it, and into the first store like I we did when we visited over March Break. We went into the same store with the fake Ayu CDs. I was look for a BoA CD this time. When I walked out, we weren't on earth anymore. I looked up into the sky and there were two moons. You could see different stars and planets too. I had to go back inside and talk to some old lady over lunch, as she explained what happened. Some crazies had performed a ritual to open a portal and I went through it (or something). I even had a nice cut scene with the ritual and everything. Yay for movie dreams.

Sometimes I sit and think I'm a horrible person. I guess on occasion, I am a horrible person. That's until you compare me to other people. Then I look like an angel. I didn't even realize how bad some people were. There are people who have treated their parents like crap to the point of therapy, and anti-depressants. All because they wanted to be a whiney brat about family troubles or something. People who go out of their way to piss off their parents (when they're almost all the parents have left), by doing things they don't like (ie. drugs, peircings, alcohol, tattoos, etc.). I always respected my parents. Do I still seem like such a horrible person?

Jess hasn't blogged in a while. A long while. I think Eugene's upset with what happened during hte Christina Concert Fiasco. Kaitie's layouts make me cry. They're pretty, but don't line up properly because they're made for 800x600. I wind up with half the blog over a white screen - making it a challenge to read. Leianne has a new button. I'm Mike Haddad, and now you're up to date!

All my lack of sleep finaly caught up and bit me in the ass. I fell asleep, and didn't wake up until after 9:00. Which meant that I didn't get to go to that ... play thing. I'm not quite sure what it was. Various people had mentioned it. I don't remember who other than Kasia. I can't think of who would mention it sine it was all the way at creepy Burlington Central. Which looks like either a really old castle or a jail. One of the buildings had the fire escapes clearly added on long after it was built.

Math hurts my brain. I had a full day of math, with some random singing thrown in with Steve to ease the tension during the math contest. Or display how insane I am. I can't handle things, and I really have nothing to worry about. Well, I obviously do since I'm worrying about them. Maybe I don't feel like sharing.

I'm amused how I just went on about how change isn't a bad thing, blah blah blah. Now here I am today thinking about all the things that have changed. Things from last semester; things from last week. Go figure. Mike, the hypocrit! (^_^). Well not really. I think I was just reminiscing. I miss having Natasha there to keep me sane. 5th spare was generally so much fun. A waste of time in most cases but fun.

I was at WOSS until 5:30 today. Yay, I'm the coolest kid ever. Damn rugby practice. I'm demanded I refund on two and a half hours of my life. I didn't even have anyone to talk to. We got there at like 3:05, and while I was wadering around the school was already empty. Sigh. I love sitting outside on the grass when it's nice out. White Oaks has grass. Sitting outside I realized something. Nature makes me itch. I can only sit out there so long before I end up randomly itching all over my body. Showers apparently don't fix it.

What would have happened if I had gone to woss. I would have been, a totally different person. I wonder if I would have even ended up being friends with my woss friends. I wish I could say I would still be friends with them. In all likelihood I would have wound up friends with them. I would have been a lot more open there. I don't actually think I would be a different person. I'd just be the person I am around them. The person that most of my old school friends seem to be bothered by. I guess that would explain why I don't talk to them as much anymore. It seems other people important to me don't approve either. It makes me sad.

Everyone at woss seems to have somewhere that they fit in. I sat there, displaced from everything, and watched. Watched everyone, as they walked around smiling and laughing. They all had their groups of people to talk to. I guess this is misleading. It's not like I don't have people to talk to; it's almost the opposite. I just felt so very out of place. I was almost jealous. Everyone there is who they are. If someone doesn't like it, then they have to deal with it. They all accept it there, and make the best of it.

Loyola was a little different. Loyola had cliques. Loyola had a lot of cliques. there were a lot based upon language barriers, and immigrant groups. Not that I'm being racist. I'm stating a fact. For the most, the people who speak korean stick to the people who speak korean. The people who speak spanish stick to those who speak spanish. That one is an exception, because originally the group was small so they had english speaking friends. Then there were the groups split on clothing/music preferences and so on. That being stated, Loyola was still an amazing school. It may not have been as accepting of things, but just because they didn't talk to you didn't mean they treated you like something under their foot. They were nice to you when they had a short conversation. If you wanted you might end up friends with them.

Trinity is just, bad. Loyola had a huge influence on Trinity. So we wound up with the cliques. Except they don't talk to each other. It's not as bad with the grade 12s. STA claims to have been such an open school, and that they influenced our grade. I doubt that claim. I think it had to do more with the fact that there are only 200 grade 12s. We're still cliquey. It gets even worse the lower the grade.

I hope that helps. I hope those of you that don't understand why I go out with the WOSS people now know why I do it. Now you know why I went out with Torie so much. It was my little way to escape. To escape from people complaining about marks. To escape from people who put pressure on me. It makes me feel horrible. Horrible that I'm running away, instead of staying to help deal with whatever's bothering you at the moment. Keep in mind I tried. I tried for the longest time. Everytime I try, I fall. I end up getting shot down. See why I question "why bother?"

Suddenly everyone is worrying about change. Everyone is feeling sad, feeling low. I don't know where this fear of change came from. Well, that's a lie. I have a good idea. A really good idea. People have always been afraid of change. Some people in specific are very afraid of change. Religious people in general tend to be very afraid of change. Well, that was a lie. Christians have been very afraid of change.

We're nearing the end of the school year now. That alone signals a time for change. Summer has always been, for me at least, a time when everything gets flipped upside and turned inside out. I always had fun with it. It's always meeting new people, learning new things about yourself. What you like, what you don't like, how far you're willing to take some things. If you're constantly worked up about how everything is changning, and how you miss the little things because they were better (they were obviously better since that's the way they used to be, and all change is bad right?) then odds are you're going to miss out on the chance for something amazing.

I'm well aware that I might be a little more out there than most people, but that's not the point. I did something random this weekend. I randomly signed up for one of those online picutre chat ... things (for lack of a better word). Yes it was odd. Yes it was a little awkward. I definatly felt uneasy about doing it (and you can never understand how uneasy you can feel about something like that until you have random 40 and 50 year old men tell you that you're beautiful and perfect. Creepy). Am I glad I did it? You have no idea how glad I am I signed up. If by some freak chance I wound up where I am, but hadn't singed up - I think I would cry. Literally. I was happy these weekend. Not that I'm not normally happy. Let's just say I was extra happy. I have to be one of the luckiest people alive.

What happens when people change. I just went on about how change really isn't a bad thing. I went on about how you shouldn't be afraid of it; that you should be willing to try things and take chances (makes mistakes, get messy - Magic School Bus baby!). Did I change? If you look at me like I was in grade 10, and you look at me now right away you would be able to say that I changed. But how? Aside from the really really obvious change between grade 10 and grade 11. I still hate fish. I still video games. I don't play them as much as I used to, I moved away from TV and console video games, and now I sit at my computer. I still get bored easily, espeicially at my house, but after sitting in certain places for too long (although I'm doing my best to stop that, fearing I might offend someone). There are so many things that stayed the same. What didn't?

I moved. That was change. Right at the end of grade 9 I moved out of my house; I stayed in another house for 5 months before moving again. Now I watch as the subdivision is built up. Is that change? Would that have changed who I am?

I grew. Physically I got taller. I think that was it; I still look young. I don't think I got any 'hotter' as I went through highschool. I didn't really dress to impress anyone (I dressed based on what I liked). I still don't try to impress people, at least not when it comes to clothes. I think I matured mentally. Scratch that, I probably 'immatured' mentally. I joke so much more. I laugh even more that I used to. I accept that modesty is a good thing to practice, even if I don't always practice it myself. I've become less critical of myself. At the same time I became even more critical of myself. That doesn't make sense. I changed what I was critical about. That does make sense.

I hate. I hate alot of things now, the most ironic of all of them is hating people who hate. I don't hate people who hate, as much as I hate people who are ignorant. People who refused to educate themselves. Although I can't stand people with blind faith, I don't hate it anymore. Sometimes blind faith will be the only thing that will help someone get along in life. I hate all the people who are full of themselves. People who think they're always prefect, that they know best. People like that make me want to scream.

I pity. I pity people, the same people who are ignorant. I pity people who refuse to educate themselves. Yes, I even pity those with blind faith. Ironic. Does that even make sense? People who I hate are generally people who anger me to the point it looks like my head might explode. Or implode. At the same time, I pity them. Is it fair? To me or to them? I pity the people who aren't going anywhere, and aren't able to admit it themselves.

I chastise. I chastise myself. I chastise myself for being a horrible writer; for not doing as well as I could. I chastise myself for seeming so full of myself. I chastise myself for letting my emotions take over. I'm annoyed, sometimes to the point of anger by small things. People clairfying something in class, people walking through things with the teacher. I'm upset when people don't come online. I'm upset that these things upset me. Why should their worlds revolve around my wants? I chastise myself for being so harsh about "Tech Crew." I still maintain that it's a waste of time. A waste or resources. You don't need seperate people to do it. The kids in drama are trained for it. Whatever. I chastise myself for being so mean to Heather about it. She doesn't deserve anything like that. I chastise myself for being so insecure at times.

I wish. I wish I could make change. I wish I was never insecure. I talk more now, my arguements tend to be more sound. I think having a blog helped. It helped with my writing skills. Or maybe my writing skills helped my blogging. I wish my blogs weren't such horrible forms of literature. I wish I could make everything perfect for people. A place where people didn't have to worry about school marks, or university. Didn't have to worry about family or friends. I wish my presence didn't ruin the lives of those around me.

I hurt. I never really let feelings take control. I never hurt anymore. I don't hurt very often. On some levels, reading my entries hurt because they're just that bad. It hurts me when other people hurt; people I care about.

I appologize. I don't just say I'm sorry when I think it'll make things better. I appologize for things that have hurt someone, and when I do I'm genuine. I appologize when I feel bad. Not to make me feel better. I appologize for making this so long. I feel sorry for your eyes, and your brains.

So it's Easter, and there is enough food in my house to feed a small country. That, plus an equally large amount of chocolate. Eating chocolate at 10AM is a really bad idea. I'm going to have to remember to not do that next year. The Easter Bunny also brought me six boxes of Trix. Yum.

Today I was playing with my MSN privacy settings, and accidentally added some people to my list that I had blocked and deleted a long time ago. Crap. Let's just hope I can keep them blocked and deleted. So to make it better I went out for Booster Juice with Kim. Booster Juice, and a pita. Booster Juice, a pita, and an hour of random driving around. Burlington is ridiculous. They take houses like the ones in River Oaks and dress the area up like you're entering some huge rich gated community. The speed limit is 40 on all the streets too. I don't even want to know what they were thinking when they came up with that.

The Day After Tomorrow looks like it's going to be stupid, and suck. I'm probably going to go see it. I really want to see Troy. 13 Going On 30. The Prince and Me. I want to see a lot of movies. I guess I shouldn't complain about going to the movies then.

I need new pants. Not jeans. I'm not sure what kind of pants they are. I bought two pairs at Randy River a long time ago when it was still in Oakville Place. One light blue, and one dark grey. Lord knows what happened to the dark grey pair; clothes always go missing in my house. The light blue ones are dirty, and I wanted to wear them tonight. I hope they'll be washed in time. I'm not sure when 'in time' is. I think 'in time' is whenever I get out of this house tonight. I want to go out. I hope people can do something, even though it's easter. I already know a bunch of people that can't. Thing's don't look good.

Dear Brooke,
You are a loser who has nothing better to do in your spare time than read my blog. Please learn to make better pitas.
Love Mike. (^_^)

Hey StrongBad, I brought back your fondu pot. Today my parents had a fondu. It was the weirdest thing I had ever encountered, but I will explain that later. I haven't done one of my day run-throughs in a while and today was an excellent day, so it deserves a run-through.

Well let's start with last night. Shall we. Something. Curse these things for being hard to write when you've been out all night. Last night I went out for dinner and a movie. It was with Marta and all her friends. We went to East Side Mario's. I hate East Side Mario's, so it was sad. Three of us had this horrible feeling that something was going to go wrong. It did. Matt and his friend completely fucked up our night. Whatever. I don't understand why they came, since they spent almost no time with us. Dinner sucked; they weren't there for most of it. The movie was fun; they weren't there for most of it. See a pattern? We ended up watching Old School at Brad's house.

Today I woke up. I had a goal. I had no plan as to how I was going to achieve this goal, but the goal was still there. I think I did what I wanted to do. I went to Booster Juice. Twice. Once around 12 (I think). I went with Jessie, and we talked to Heather who is convinced that I should do something (which I would love to do). So ... yes. Then we went to Longo's and saw Charlotte. Holy merciful crap it was packed in there. So I aborted 'operation: party material purchasing' and went home.

I later went out with Alyssa and DDRed at SilverCity. I hadn't DDRed in a long time. My groove was off, and then I died. I can do most of MAX 300 now, except for when I trip on my shoelace. Speaking of my stupid shoelace, my left shoelace always unties when I do Exotic. It is a conspiracy. Much like the highway, and how it hates me.

We went into Longo's and had a conversation with Leanne. Tay was there too. And Jules. It was like a Longo's reunion (except I don't work there). We talked, and some old man got bitter at us. So we went off to buy stuff. I'm not sure how it happened, but we ended up with a fun pack of cereal, and two small things of baby food (apricot and blueberry). I ended up introducing myself to Matt, because I was apparently not known. Hurray for baby food. Down with not being loud.

We had to go back to Longo's. Funny story. In all the excitement of buying pop for the party. We forgot to buy pop. So we came back like 20 minutes later - and it had finally slowed down. So we talked to Matt for a bit. I asked him what he was doing. He had an Easter Dinner thing and was unable to attend our 'Coke and Cereal Party (now with Baby Food!)'. Such a shame.

We went bowling tonight. It was fun. I hurt my finger. We then went back to Krys' and partied. So many randoms. I had to leave because I was dying due to cat and smoke. So while walking home, I got kidnapped by Elbe, Tomlyn and Jessie and taken back to the party for 5 minutes. Crazy. Elbe is an 'alcoholic'. Who knew? Well, I guess I did.

Eugene went crazy.

If you're feeling sad and low, we will take you where you gotta go! If only. I am feeling sad and low. Maybe. To be totally honest I'm not sure (and despite claims by Eugene, it is not depression). I think it's boredom. I need a change; I'm sick and tired of the way things are. I don't know what I want to change though. I could have gone to a party tonight, but I didn't. I drove around with people while Marta was off watching the hockey game. So ... whatever.

I went to WOSS today. I was duped into going. Evil evil woss students. I was tricked into going. It didn't work out anyways - their evil plans were thwarted. Although, the intentions were some of the farthest things from evil. I was just unable to go through with it. I guess I'm a sissy? Oh well. I saw like ... everyone. People I liked to see, even if I didnt make contact. I saw Leanne from Longo's (because I'm everywhere), and then I saw Heather and her friend Abby. I'm so .. out there.

Despite my claims of a wasted night (which it was really, because I did nothing of value), I was hardly at home. I stopped in to get changed because Jessie spilt coffee on me. We drove in circles for hours doing absolutely nothing. We were trying to find someone, or get a hold of someone, or something along those lines. Then I went to Booster Juice and got a smoothie and made my way over to Longo's where I was stupid. I was going to visit Scott and Tiffany. Of course, I totally forgot that both of them are in Montreal this weekend. So I spent time at the front desk with Charlotte and Leanne. That was amusing, because I've seen Leanne everywhere. Like everyday this week, and I saw her at woss today too. It was very amusing.

I hate when I have to go through other people to get something done. It's not me at all. I'm generally the person who will go and take what I want. I'm not afraid of being too forward. (Ugh my coffee is cold) As things stand right now, I have to go through all these different people to get something. I don't like it at all. I'm not sure who's doing what; everything is scattered. I wish I knew what was going on. Well I wish I could just do it myself (apparently that's not allowed), so I'm willing to settle with knowing what was going on. It would be so much easier that way.

Eugene is off on tangents again, about American Idol and the war, and back and forth and back and forth. It's hard to manage all my new groups of friends who have intricacies and some people don't like some of the other people I spend time with. Le sigh.

Yesterday I woke up before my alarm went off. I hit it so it didn't go off, and closed my eyes. My mom came in to wake me up, but I was already up. I was lying around slipping in and out of sleep until my mom came in and told me it was time to get up. So I rolled out of bed, and got ready.

Today I woke up before my alarm went off, and made sure it didn't go off. My mom came in to wake me up, so I said something or mumbled incoherent words and then closed my eyes to rest a little more. After a while I groaned and rolled out of bed to get ready.

Does anyone else see a problem with this? My days are so repetitive. They drain me mentally, before I even get to school. And every day I deal with my brother taking forever because he's busy textmessaging his girlfriend, and so on. It wears on me. Today was a little different though; a little fun. Well not World Issues or Computers. Those were the same. Computers I finally learned how to do arrays properly. Yay. I'm going to use it.

Discrete was what was different. We had an in class assignment with partners. I'm glad Ms. Mascarin said work with someone different. Not that I mind working with Steve - it was just nice working with Sarah. I haven't worked with her since grade 7. We're so dumb, it was a lot of fun. We did really well too. It should help my mark. I had my grad photo today too. It was fun. I think she was coming on to me. I think she thought something too, but I'm not going to say. It's my little secret. It was a lot of fun. We were joking about everything. In 5th I edited someone essay. That was different. Oh Reid Pops.

I'm supposed to be the outlet into another world where not everyone knows the people who are using me as an outlet. I do my job. It all works out. Except for when they don't use me as an outlet. I won't be held responsible for the explosion and/or implosion of your brain; either way it will make a huge mess. It's also weird how I ended up using them as outlets. In Oakville. It's so strange.

I just realized that I've finished what could be considered a year of good, solid blogging. Well somewhat unofficially. I originally started in March, sometime after March Break 2003 - but those posts are lost forever. That means one year for EluamosNailo.com should be coming up some time in June - which was when the Lucia layout was actually put in place. I sometimes with that I had started the blog one year early. It would be nice to go back and read how things were going. I can only hope that I would have been informative in my archives - that summer was a really eventful summer. Do I miss it? A little. Would I go back? I'm not sure. I can also only hope that it would mean that my posts would have been better than they are now. Reading most of my archives makes me puke because it's a waste of space. Actually some of them aren't bad.

It's amazing how much more 'in place' I would have been if I had gone to a public school. Not that I didn't enjoy going to a Catholic school. I don't know how I would have dressed up everyday. I definatly wouldn't want to lose what I got from going to a Catholic school. I have friends. I have memories. It's definatly cleaner. The teachers are better. I still think I would have done well for myself if I had gone to a public school. I would probably be a totally different person. It's amazing how well I hit it off with the people from WOSS. Maybe I would have had someone 'take me under there wing'.

See, that's something that bothered me. All of a sudden, I meeting all these people. People I didn't know exsisted in Oakville; lifestyles and hobbies similar to mine - that I never expected. Some of them live really close by (say, oh, 5 houses away). I never expected it. I digress. My point? I never had anyone take me under their wing. Where was my saviour, and mentor. I guess I got shafted? I had to tough it out on my own. For those of you that are wondering, this is probably the biggest factor as to why I have so many secrets, so many little things that I don't share with people; things you don't necessarily need so I don't share. I'm not sure if I wish I had a mentor-like person or not. It probably would have been nice. I don't really have someone I can talk to about everything. I think I lost Kim. I used to talk to her about everything. Now I talk to a whole bunch of people about little things.

It's one of the reasons I go out so often with so many different people. I don't have someone that knows everything about me. I'm not against sharing everything with people (especially people I care about, and people that care about me), I'm just afriad it would make things awkward and I don't want to ruin what I have. I ruined too many things before. So can you see why I'm so reluctant? I hope that explains things, and makes everyone feel better.

It's weird how I act. I almost have two different people in me (there's a nice, justified reason for that - but I don't want to get into it). Sometimes there are things I do that it seems I wouldn't do. Don't be alarmed, I would always have done them, if the situation was right. It was just never right. For the most part I had a piece of me bottled up. Not so much bottled up because I didn't want it to be there, just bottled up because I could never let it out. I'm not sure what's weirder. That, or the fact that people from all over read this.

I get a lot of 'U.S. Commercial' hits. I'm not sure what that means, so I'll just assume it's business search bots. Surprisingly I get quite a few from Denmark, Sweden and the U.K. (U.S. Military and Educational too, but that confuses me). I even get the ocassional reader from Brazil, Australia (I think I know why), Hungary, Japan (^_^), and little itty bitty Seychelles. I changed my mind. It's not weird, it's cool. And flattering.

I didn't go into school for most of today. Mr. Berton was apparently mad. Sorry, I was sick and tired. I don't want to be there anymore either. I would rather spend the day with Marta or friends, away from school. So I slept all day, got up for my dentists, and slept some more. I went out for a little bit to get Booster Juice with Krys, and then I went to the mall with Kim. Other than that, nothing.

I had homework to do. I'm still doing it now. Well, that's a lie. I'm blogging and telling myself I'm doing it. I finished a whole issue analysis tonight on Wal-Mart. I actually really like how it turned out. I should do well. World Issues will bring my average up and make up for my shitty discrete mark. That makes me happy. I have to do research on Japan. I hate EBSCO. It is slow, and very useless in the articles it has found for me. I didn't do discrete. That makes me sad. I will do it. My pencil case has gone missing (I think it divorced me). So I'll catch up on that tomorrow after I get over the shock of no writing utensils, or loving calculator.

My blogs are too long. Much too long. I appologize. I'm not going to stop yet though. Sorry to get your hopes up. I guess I have a lot to say. I haven't even talked about Air Canada and how Eugene and Heather had a little spat. Well, they had a little spat. I don't think it was anything major though. I'm keeping out of this one. I went and got an LJ account so I could make commenting easier, and no one with an LJ posts. Go figure.

Gah. Today I realized I need to do my archives layout. They are done seperately, so I have to make a seperate layout for the master individual entry layout. It should be fun if I stop feeling so lazy and tired. I'll probably tdo that layout for the archives, before I do a V.5 layout. Before I do an idividual archives layout, I will probably do a quick 404 error page. That one will be quick, easy, and hopefully fun. Although probably not. Oh well. I backed everything up today. That was fun.

I continued talking to people I haven't talked to in a long time today. Considering I was up at 9AM washing my hair because it wreaked of smoke from last night. So I've been talking to my friend Jacqui today. She sent me some pictures from the cruise which I put up here. I hope you enjoy them, even though there's only 7. Mel put up new pictures from connections. That makes me happy. I'm glad she takes so many pictures, just because I'm not everywhere and she's better at capturing the moment than I am. And I leave my camera at people's houses. Stupid pictures need to line up.

I talked to Kristen for the first time in like forever. We talked about random drinking, and drunken encounters. It was nice to get caught up. Then we talked about how I had found one of my cruise friends livejournals, and I felt odd reading it - and he doesn't even really talk to me anyways. She said LJs were evil and she was the proud owner of one. I told her I liked my blog, but had an LJ acount to comment. So we passed off some of our most spiteful entries, or emails we had recieved about the entries. It was fun.

I went out with Alyssa around ... sometime today. We went off in search of Lawn Gnomes. No one had any. We went to three stores, before I made a big scene at Canadian Tire and yelled at Gomez. He said I wasted his time and money and I said he wasted mine. Then we watched the end of Finding Nemo which was playing there, and left. We went to Longo's to buy cereal. Boy did I feel stupid there.

I got cereal and gum, and Alyssa got cereal. I ended up in the same cash lane as the guy from yesterday. Well not the same lane, but it was the same guy. Matt (who I know - not really know - through Heather and Alex, because he goes to school with Heather and he did training with Alex or something). So I was being loud like I always am, and I think I saw this girl I recognized. So I asked why there weren't any express lanes, stating it was odd. Apparently there is an express lane, and it was on the other end of the store. He said we were better of going through his lane anyways because it was faster since express was always busy. One of those cheesy lines came to mind ("I'll always go through your lane" - and Malchik Gay plays in the background as I type. Oh the irony). I bit my tongue, fearful of how stupid I would look, and moved on.

We drove to Dominion to see Lindsay, then I bought Smarties. Yum. Dropping her off I realized how much energy I had. I had my Ayu CD in on like full blast, as I was cool driving home in my mom's van (oh how I long for my dad's car).

We went out for dinner tonight. The Keg, like always - except today was for my brother's birthday. I think I was going to lose my mind. My brother's friend's can't be taken out in public. Not one of them. No matter where it is, no matter what you're doing. It's ridiculous. I got up and wandered around and then talked to Megan who was working. Talked about last night, and how she didn't come. We decided that I should get her number and be in charge of calling her. And I want a coffee.

My creative mind has died. I pity all those who read this for their entertainment (From what hear, the number keeps going up). I fear it just won't cut it for some of you. Ok, not really - but I thought it would be nice to pretend I was worried for you. My creative mind has died though. I haven't posted since Thursday, which is something of an irregularity in my blog patterns. I blame a number of things. Thursday itself seems to have been one of those days for people, since almost everyone stopped for a few days after thursday. Eugene seemed to have died. In reality, hit IP address changed so the DNS was pointing at the wrong address. No blog for him. Torie left for Costa Rica. It was all hectic. I don't remember my point. So we move on.

Thursday meant Connections. Which meant missing school. To spend the day in Milton (Barf). The conference was a lot of fun (I swear the word 'itself' wants to be used in every sentence), even with all of the bumps we hit along the way. Something happened with registration, and many people didn't get name tags which meant they couldn't go to workshops. In the end I think it all worked out. Since I was on the Steering Committee, I wandered around to various workshops telling people where they had to go, and when it was time to switch. That and I filled in for some of the workshops. There was a big group that I knew, so it was fun playing the games. Not that it would have really mattered if I knew them or not, I was loud and met new people. From Trinity: Steve, Tim, Mel, Heather, Anna, Dani and Sheena. From Loyola: Mike Yip, Mona, Laura, Merrit (we're only *kinda* close). From STA: Josh, Leianne, Koza, and the random who's name escapes me. I also figured out how I knew Deanna from ND. She went to Queen's with us in Grade 10, and spent a lot of time with us. Apparently a lot of people went to EMC. I have pictures!

After I got back from Connections the WOSS crew (the one still going to school there, since I have 2) came and took me there to try and convince me to tutor them in Data Management. I agreed to it, and went back to school for band. No comment. Jessie came back to get me after the rehearsal, and drove Olek home (since they went to River Oaks together, and it's a really small world). So we went home, I changed - made the mission it was to find my old books - and then we went to Timmy's so we could study. I think she gets it. I don't know how much help Tomlyn or Elbe got since, they came late. I don't even remember if I helped them. I think I was doing discrete and they were study biology. Or Tomlyn was. The Tim Horton's ladies all made fun of me. I was sad. I'm not that dumb, I swear! Of course I yelled that as I tripped and landed flat on my face outside the store. A lot of people go to that Timmy's. Like Kurt.

Friday was another boring day in school. I like proofs in math. Not the general numeric proofs (with like n^2-n-5 or some junk), just the geometric ones. I think I'll live. I want to see my World Issues test, I honestly think I got near 100% on it. I also get to do Japan for my Culminating (stupid Evan, tried to steal it from me). I'm starting the 8 queens problem for it. I know how to solve the problem it words, but I'm not really sure how to turn that into psuedocode. Whatever. After school I went home and slept. Then I got Marta, and we slept some more. We went to see Hellboy with Brad. It was ok. Some scenes were really good, but it seemed to drag on forever (and that triangle thing between the three of them was stupid).

Saturday I went out in the morning to help Jessie get supplies for her project. She has to build an elbow for anatomy. That sucks. So we got a coffee, went to Canadian Tire, Home Depot (wow I remember when it was Aikenhead's), Dominion, and the dollar store. I saw it halfway through, it looked really good. After that I had to go to the LCBO to get booze for people (even though I remained somewhat sober the whole night). I also had to go and find Whisk for my mother. Which meant going to other grocery stores. Loblaw's is scary. I hadn't gone in there for a long long time. It was creepy, and there were a lot of cashiers. Longo's was like a cult, or something. Everyone knew everyone. They all spoke foreign languages in there. It was packed too. I almost smashed carts at least 5 times. One for every bottle of Whisk I had to buy. Then I went through cash and realized I knew the cashier. He was friend's with Heather, and came into Booster Juice with Alex when they had gotten jobs there.

I had to take Jessie out to calm her down after she exploded halfway through the day. Then I drove Marta and Brad to their party, and kidnapped Krystina so I had someone to walk back with (so I didn't have the car). We sat on her computer, listened to amusing songs (i.e. Toxic), and then we played chess as we waited for people to arrive. Curse you 8 Queens, I know at least two of the solutions. We wandered around a lot that night. And I mean a lot. It was cold and wet outside, and it seemed we had been ditched by the friends. It turns out we were going to a random party. We got kicked out before we got inside. The WOS people I was with got in a huge fight with the group of spanish speaking kids from Loyola. I tired to mediate, but gave up. They were all angry people. So we went to Trish's and then I ended up leaving early because I felt bad for Krys who had to go home early. She didn't even come home with me. D'oh.

As I was lying in bed after midnight, something clicked. I felt so stupid for not picking up on it earlier. So confused, I called Krystina to make sure I didn't dream it. She thought I was crazy or something. Then I had some sort of break down, and went to get coffee at either 2AM or 3AM depending on who'd switched their clocks. I like how 3 of my 4 clocks I use switched automatically. Woo I'm sexy! That's the conclusion we came to sometime in the early morning. It does explain why certain people were the way they were. I was throwing off their groove. Even though I am a llama, and therefore my groove is inherently superior and therfore more important.

I found people who I had gone on a cruise with in August. They have LJ accounts too. It's crazy. I felt so odd reading them. I never actually got to blog about my cruise. I checked my archives. I hadn't because my computer exploded, my cousins were over, my room was a mess, there was the funeral, I was bitter, and so on and so forth. It was not good. I had a lot of fun though. One of the girls wants me to call her. No time, or money for long distance. Eew long distance.

Believe or not, I have a lot more to say. Actually it's not that hard to believe, since I go on forever. Bit I count 8+ paragraphs, and that is way too long. The stuff I would continue with would probably just start fights anyways, which is bad. I don't want fights. I had fights before, I read my archives. It wasn't fun. With the taste of your lips I'm on a ride~!

My world just fell apart. I'll explain another time.