The Mike Haddad Show: This is relevant to my interests.

Somtimes a girl just needs one.

I'm not sure how to get all my thoughts for this together, so I think I'm going to just let it flow and see where I go with it. I truly love how I'm now pathetic. It just puts the sprinkles to go with the cherry on top of the cake that has been my bad day. Strangely enough, but day wasn't even that bad. It was interesting. I guess I'll start from the top. I've had a crappy crappy week. I thought I had already established that, but apparently not. I don't know what I would do without people like Asha and Krys to keep me sane. Joshu too. His floormates rock. Times like this I wish I was in REV. I'm really not looking forward to the blood test results. I don't think I have anything serious to worry about, but it's never ever fun to get blood work done. Lacking horomones isn't fun. It does explain a lot of things though. Oh well. My neck hurts. The gym has been making me sore, but I love it. For those of you who are too clueless to pick up on it, I'm incredibly insecure about my body. Most people have no idea though, which I find amusing. Especially my liver-defect enduced elbow dry skin condition. That's always fun. People are assholes.

For the last two days Phil's been tearing at me. Well three days now. It's never fun. Phil is probably one of the people I respect most in my life. So to have him tear at every single statement I made wasn't fun to go through. It was ridiculous things to. Everything some how related back to him going to Vancouver, and some strange justification that I didn't understand. A justification through my current unhappiness in Waterloo. Well I'm sorry I fucking hate it here. I'm not a princess though; I'll get over it. I'm working on getting over it. CIF is helping a lot. Both with the getting over of the hatred, and with the self esteem. Damn my fucking neck hurts.

Adam yelled at me today too. He didn't really yell. In fact, he didn't yell at all. He talked about how he hated seeing me like this. Almost like I was disappointing him. That in itself was far more effective than any amount of yelling could have been. I've taken so much shit from people recently. It's helping me justify why boys are definatly not worth it at all. I think I'm about ready to give up. I don't understand why it's such a big deal though. Some people seem to have gotten really offended. I'm sorry for you. I think to all those people, I'm going to stick with the line that I feel works best: Suck it up princess.

If I choose to like someone, that's my decision. If I choose to fall head over heels for someone, that's my decision. Notice that at no point did anyone else come into play in that decision making process. Now, how I act on those feelings may be influenced by other people. If I choose to like someone, and sit and wait, then that's what I'm going to do. A decision to not take an active part in going after a person, due to the fact that it's unlikely to happen is a good decision to make in this case. Don't fucking call me pathetic. Pathetic would be going after a person I like, constantly badgering them to get with me. Asking questions like "Why aren't we together" and "Why can't you date me". Do you see me doing that? I should hope not. If you do, you may want to check yourself into an institution, because it's definatly not happening.

Sigh. Here's the disappointing thing: This entry, much like faceparty, will have helped me achieve nothing by the end of it. Which is why I'm considering ending it now. I'm going to go party at REV. With Asha. And get a massage. Fuck the world. Barone, I still love you though.