May 2005 Archives

How much has to be wrong with a party before the person who was close to leading the party suddenly defect to the Liberals?

I just finished Al Franken's Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right. It is one of the funniest books I have ever read. There were a number of points in the book where I had to stop reading and burry my face in my pillow fearing that my laughter would wake someone up. I think my favourite chapter though would have to be the one titled Ann Coulter: Nutcase, and let me show you why:

[I]n Coulter's case, 'nutcase' is more than justified. I should know. You see, Ann and I are friends.

I personally wasn't aware of that myself until I read it in the New York Observer. They did a profile of Coulter when her bile-filled, relentlessly ugly best-seller Slander topped The New York Times list. And for some reason-I guess to establish her bona fides as just a lovable gal about town-she told the writer from the Observer that she was "friendly with" Al Franken.

I found that odd. I have met Ann Coulter once. At a Saturday Night Live party. When she introduced herself to me, I made what in retrospect was a terrible mistake. Instead of saying, 'Ann Coulter! You're a horrible person. Ooooh, I just hate you!' or something along those lines-instead, I was cordial.

I'm not sure if there's a limit to how much you can quote from a book, but from what I gather Franken doesn't seem like the kind of person who would mind in a case like this.

Maybe I'm extremely biased because I'm painted red. Or even more likely, because when I read the book I read it in the voice of my friend who kept quoting it until I bought it, along with one of Franken's other book Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations.

The book itself was fun to read. For me, it's like the Bowling For Columbine of books. I'm not sure if Franken would like the comparison, but he's a jewish comedian. I'm sure he has extremely thick skin and can deal with it. Unlike Fahrenheit 9/11, which was a good movie reiterating a lot of facts I already knew, Lies touched on a whole range of American politics that I had never read/seen/heard about. I'm sure Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations will do the same for me, even if I'm rading them in reverse order.

Actually, I'd like to share one more little snippet from the book that I find extremely amusing and should solidify my reasoning and logic when I label this as A Book That Eug Would Love. At the end of the chapter titled Vast Lagoons of Pig Feces which commented on the sorry state of American Enivormental Protection, Franken wrote:

Perhaps there is someone reading this who is saying, "Give me a break, Al. I don't care about pigs, or pig shit, or family farms, or mountaintops, or this pfiest-a-mahoosey, or the environment.' To you, I have this to say: You were not legitimately elected president, sir.

But I respect the office you hold, and I'm honored that you're reading my book.

Political satires rule.

May 29, 2004

I got into University of Waterloo! I'm so unbelievably happy! Dancing around my room and what not, all shivery like I was watching an old episode of pokemon. Mel, Josh, Leianne, and Anson all got in too so far. I feel bad, because now I'm not going to be rooming with Barone - but my reaction to the acceptance was way too amazing to say no to. Co-op here I come!

Mike

Check Point

This is my space. I plan on using it as my space. What I don't plan on using, is My Space. This is simply because, my space is for homo guys who can't deal with being homos yet, and girls who for whatever reason won't go out and meet real people so they'll add every attractive boy they can find to their friends list. Do you know how many random girls I've had request to be friends on that stupid thing? I don't even want to think about the number. Go outside, and meet some real boys. Not boys who live thousands of miles away.

I've also noticed that the growing trend with early teen girls who have blogs is to post the names of people who have commented on the main page with the entries. Now, I'm not going to link these people just yet for fear of being too harsh, but I'd like to know what purpose it serves. I could just be missing the point completely. Maybe it's so show off all their l337 programming skills.

Damn. I had a lot of angry things to mention, but they've all escaped the grips of my mind. I guess I'll get back to coding the PHP on this site. The about section can wait before I slave over it.

So I've decided it's time to bring back some of the drama that I used to have surrounding my blog. Especially since Natasha and I spent all day being clever in attempts to come up with the perfect closing sentence (which will henceforth appear at the end of every entry). It's not that I strive to offend people; things anger me and in turn I verbally lash out and someone winds up offended.

I started the day realizing how much of an issue I have with gay youth, and gay youth groups. So let's begin. The problem with gay youth is this. For the most part, they haven't even finished going through puberty yet. In some cases they haven't even started (I don't care if you don't believe me, I still see them once a month on a good month). Now the problems with these little homos can be compiled into a very long list. So I'm going to try and touch on some of the more prominent ones.

First off, little people are immature and insecure. This is a dangerous combination in the straight world when you have oodles (do you know how many zeros there are in oodles Georgia?) of people to be friends with. It gets more complicated when you're a homo, nobody loves you, and you have no friends. You decide to group together with other little homos. Now this may not seem like such a bad thing on the surface, but let's delve a little deeper.

You need to remember that there are generally only two types of major drama in the world. The first being teen drama. I use the term teen losely because it seems to continue into university until either the person matures, or all of the person's friends mature leaving the person to either stop with the drama or find the few remaining immature people his or her age. The other major type of drama is, of course, gay drama. So let's think about this logically. You have a bunch of little teens with high school teen drama. Then realize that these little teens are teen homos and add in gay drama. So what we have for ourselves is the making of a mathematical equation: d = gt; where D is the total drama per person, g is the gay drama, and t is the teen drama. What you need to remember is that drama only works with there are other people around, and that drama is not a constant function; it's exponential. We're not talking D(x) = dx, we're talking D(x) = d^x. So this should have every bell and whistle going on in a logical persons brain. Apparently it doesn't though.

No, I take that back. Not apparently. It just doesn't. Which is evident in the fact that there are gay youth groups. What I'd like to do is go back and smack the person who though them up and decided they would be a good idea. What I'd like you all to do is remember our handy Total Drama (D) per Person (x) equation: D(x) = d^x. Now you have all these little homos who don't have friends because they're gay with no where else to go, sitting in a room full of other little homos. Obviously, because the homosexual desires to be accepted more than any other person on the planet, they're all going to be each others friends. Only it doesn't work like that.

Earlier I pointed out that these little homos either haven't gone through puberty, or are currently going through it. This plays an important part now. This causes them to be ridiculously ugly. I mean, fugly. So fugly that man on Ripley's would look and say "Damn, you ugly." Up until this point, I think I've forgotten to mention something extremely important. On top of striving to be accepted more than any other type of person on the planet, the homosexual has become one of the most harsh people on the planet caused by years of torment. So let's think about what we've just learned mathematically (get over it, I'm a mathie, it's how my brain works). You have x number of little homos, each with d drama. Now you've gone and put all these little homos in a small room with each other. D(x) = d^x. You've given them the perfect chance to meet all the other little homos and vie for their love and affection. D(x) = d^x + l. I can't even deal with this. There's just no sense in it. Factor in the number of times a little homo has a breakout (D(x) = d^x + bx + l) and the number who date each other (D(x) = d^x +dx^2 + bx + l) and you have a whole lot of drama. That, and I just found there's a whole school just for gays. In the bottom of a church. I find this extremely ironic.

Appetizer

Where do you plan to go on vacation this year, or where would you want to go? (Feast Two)

Seeing as how I just got back from vacation, there's no more plans for any more fun time this year. If I'm really lucky, I'll get the job with Carnival and be on a cruise ship for up to 9 months, but that will be work and not vacation (Which reminds me, I really need to email them). I really want to go on the new European Carnival Cruises though. 12 days: Rome, Naples, Dubrovnik, Venice, Messina, Barcelona, Cannes, Livorno, Rome. Oh please let me go.

Soup

What color is your bedroom? If you could redecorate it, what would you change? (Feast Two)

As noted before, my bedroom is some sort of light beige. It might be due in for a repainting on some spots because my old bed left marks, as did my desk when it was moved. I don't mind the colour though. It's plain. As far as room redecoration goes, I'm sure I've already stated numoerous times that I want this bookcase with this CD tower in the middle. I want to add this night table, and then get four of these boxes and two more of these boxes.

If you were to suddenly become famous, what would you choose as your stage name? (Feast Thirty Three)

I'd keep my name. Either as a whole, or just 'Mike' (or 'Maiku' if I was a j-star).

Salad

Imagine you've won a contest to be a featured guest on any television sitcom or drama show. On which one would you want to be a guest star? (Feast Nine)

This is a tough one. I think it'd be cool to be on Smallville. Well in the first season. Now it's more like a soap opera than anything else. They had tons of guest stars on it. If I was a guest star on The OC I think a lot more people would see it. The same goes for One Tree Hill. The show I always wanted to be on was Dark Angel, but the writers failed in the second season and then it got cancelled. Queer As Folk is done now, and every homo and his grandfather had been on it. So I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. Just put me on TV. And not a crappy experience on Degrassi either. (That just reminded me I still need to do all of the comments back from LJ. Frig.)

What does the shape of a triangle make you think of? (Feast Thirty One)

Lesbians.

Main Course

What would the title of your autobiography be? (Feast Five)

It's amusing because the Main Course is supposed to be the one that makes you think the most. I guess I got off easy. While the question about which TV show I'd like to guest star on gave me loads of trouble, I already know that my autobiography would be called The Mike Haddad Show.

Dessert

Who is your favorite celebrity? What do they do that inspires you? (Feast Two)

Jackie Chan. I could start to recite the list, but you've all heard it before.

Day Two

Day Three

Day Four

My stuff is all in piles now. I just need to finally find out where the hell I'm going to store it all. I want to buy four of these and two more of these. God Ikea is expensive.

I spent 40 minutes on the automated phone system that Carnival uses yesterday. I eventually gave up after being transfered back to the employment line. I'm just going to email my resume to the IS Manager Position email address, complete with introductory coop letter/cover letter and resume. I still need to phone Bell and cancel Sympatico at MKV.

The last two weeks have been the worst transition weeks ever, as apparent in everyones blogging (or lack there of). Things need to getbetter soon, or I'm going to kill someone (not me of course).

I finally fixed the problem I was having with the calendar (which no one else can see), and the comments. It should be easier to diferentiate between different comments now. I'm just having serious issues with the rest of the sidebar-to-be. I don't have enough patience right now to do the about section. I think I have a job for Natasha, since she plans on attempting to escape some photoshoot duties. Speaking of the photoshoot, there wasn't the big response I had initially expected and since then the interest seems to have dwindled. So for those of you that did reply, expect an email reminding you soon with a list of what to bring.

Debriefing

Day Zero

Day One

So, I'm slowly making some progress with this. I have tons of pictures I need to sort through from the cruise, and some good friends that I made. I need to phone Carnival about getting a coop job. Waterloo needs to process my forms soon. I need to buy that bookcase stuff that I wanted and a nighttable or two for my bed. My plan is to scan in the floorplan for my house and use photoshop to position everything. Expect cruise pictures soon.

I've found I'm not very coherent right now. So lets get a quick list of what I need to do:

• Site stuff:
  • Final tweaks on CSS
  • Finish up about page
  • Get pictures up and running
  • IMPORTANT: Photoshoot on the 14th
• Other stuff:
  • Andrea's Party on Friday
  • Wedding on Saturday
  • Party on next Friday
  • Photoshoot next Saturday
  • Cancel Sympatico from Rez
  • Email Lady about dropping distance ed stuff
  • Email Carnival Cruise Lines about coop job

Oh my god, I typed 'Emain' intead of 'Email'

It made me smile.

*** Auto-response: eluamosnailo: YOUR MOM HAS A MULTI BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE SAGA BEHIND HER eluamosnailo: actually eluamosnailo: your mom was cool eluamosnailo: she gets the mike stamp of approval eluamosnailo: *STAMP* ^canadian mike is o-so-cool

Umm... The end?