The Mike Haddad Show: This is relevant to my interests.

Last night Adam, Rob and I had a night out and trekked up to Paramount Canada’s Wonderland for what I believe is their first ever Fearfest. Fearfest is a clever way for Wonderland to pack the park when it would otherwise be empty by covering it with Halloween decorations and setting up haunted houses all over the park. Originally Marc was supposed to come with us, but he was a big idiotface and decided to take a shift at AE instead of hang out with us.

I’d like to stop right now to remind you who I went with (Adam and Rob), and state that for all their love of horror movies these two people are the biggest pussies ever. Actually that’s not true. They didn’t scream very much, unlike the girls all around us who screamed bloody murder at everything that moved. It’s ok though, because that’s what the point of a haunted house is. It’s weird how I’m the opposite though. Unlike horror movies, which I hate with a passion because I can never sleep ever again after watching them, I love haunted houses so very much.

The way they dressed up the park was awesome on my senses. There were skeletons climbing all over the buildings and two floating on tubes drinking martinis by the waterfall. The whole fountain thing from the waterfall all the way to the flower garden had red lights leaving the water and the trees around it with an extremely eerie look. There were also people dressed up throughout the park jumping out at people from the forest, including one guy with a chainsaw that ran out at these girls sitting at the edge of the forest.

The first area we went to was the MTV Rockin’ Scare, which was two haunted houses and a movie clip setup at Paramount Theatre and behind it (where you get your season passes). The one we decided to go to was the Total Request Dead. It was like every other haunted house; a maze that you had to walk through while things made loud noises and jumped out at you in an attempt to scare the crap out of you. The whole MTV Rockin’ Scare are had some sort of German Metal theme going on that Dom would have loved. I loved it too. Then when we got up to the front of the line for Total Request Dead they had some horrible clip playing that consisted of Papa Roach (barf) screaming ‘Cut my life into pieces’ followed by Britney Spears singing ‘my loneliness is killing me’ with some girl getting hacked up on top of it. If only Papa Roach had cut his life into pieces, I wouldn’t have had to run into the front as fast as possible to escape his horrible music.

The haunted house itself was pretty tame. There was one black room with dots and a girl in a sweet costume that consisted of black clothing and hood and those same dots so she would blend into the corner and then scare people. Then there was a room full of hanging pool noodles that hit you in the face. The highlight was definitely when I got bored and decided to scare the crap out of Adam by yelling really loudly and grabbing him. Even funnier was the fact that I did that and the girl behind us screaming because I scared her too. A close second would be Rob holding onto my sleeve loosely so he wouldn’t actually look like he was holding onto me.

When we got out we decided to skip the Ozzburnes because haunted houses are always the same thing except for there theme, and I didn’t need to see a bunch of cracked out Osborne knock-offs with burn wounds. What I really wanted to see was the stuff they had set up at The Curse of Sleepy Hollow on the other side of the park in Kingswood Theatre. Massacre Manor had a line that was over two hours, so we skipped it in favour of Cornstalkers and Blood Shed, a two in one haunted event with a shorter line. As the names give away it was a haunted corn field and barn and it allowed for a lot of interesting ways to scare the crap out of people. Even better was how the roof of Kingswood Theatre echoed all the screams. This time around Rob had a death grip on my arm and Adam had a death grip on Rob; which was fine for us. It didn’t work out as well for the girls behind us who had everything possible jump out at them on their way through the maze.

Afterwards we decided the lines were too long to try any of the Fearfest events so we went to The Italian Job Stunt Track because Adam and I couldn’t get on it the last time we went. The line was about half as long and bearable right up until we got to the front and my feet were really cold. The ride was pretty sweet, although incredibly short and not at all worth the long line. It did kill some time for us and provided us with an incentive to trek all over the park looking for a hot dog stand that actually had hot dogs. The first place we went by was closed, the second didn’t sell hotdogs and after waiting in line at the third place the guy walked right up to us and said "We don't have any more hotdogs, you shouldn't bother waiting in line." So we had to walk all the way across the park again to the stand that did have hotdogs. It was so well worth it though.

We ended the night with full stomachs and a short clip on Friday the 13th. I've never seen any of the Friday the 13th movies, but let me say: judging by the clips shown those movies SUCKED. I still don't understand why anyone would want to watch a movie like that; never mind the gore, the plot just doesn't make sense. Oh well. I can happily say that by the end of the night it had been proven that I was the biggest man out of three not so manly people. Suck on that bitches!