The Mike Haddad Show: This is relevant to my interests.

For those of you fortunate enough to read Adam's most recent pseudo essay on gays and immigrant gays in Oakville, you would have known from the beginning that I was bound to comment on it. When has someone said 'gays' 'Oakville' and 'Adam' in the same sentence and not heard me have something to say on the subject? A whole pseudo essay on how the Sheridan Music Theatre program is ruining life for the rest of us is like Christmas come early. No, I take that back. My new The Mike Haddad Show Tshirts arriving today is like Christmas come early. The pseudo essay is like temporarily dying and going to heaven.

Just a side note on Adam's blog: for the longest time I tried to convince him that he should upgrade to a fully fledged, avec domain name, blog. I wasn't the only one telling him how witty he was. Unfortunately it got to his head, then he started slacking, and now you never get anything new. The moral of the story? Don't compliment anyone – ever.

So Adam wrote a very scathing post about people are coming to Oakville to take Sheridan's Music Theatre Program, telling people they meet they're from Oakville, being a stereotypical Music Theatre Whore and having sex with everyone, and pretty much ruining it for the rest of us. Yes, I'm referring to the ones that are "promiscuous, with sugar-daddies, secret-boyfriends, and secret-girlfriends."

Then it dawned on me just how hypocritical we just might be. For a group of people that claims to hate generalizations made about them, we sure are quick to generalize. I'm using 'we' in two senses here: Adam and Myself, and the greater homosexual population of Toronto's suburbs.

Introduce me to a Music Theatre student and you'll find me hard pressed to not think about how he's most likely had sex with everyone else in his program, and then talked about it, using the excuse that "it's ok because it's music theatre." Yes, and just because they change in front of each other all the time sports teams everywhere are all promiscuous team-cest loving whores too. Sure I try to be friendly, but I usually just make due by insulting someone else while they're around. It's the best way to ignore the voices in my head screaming at me. "They're hitting on you and they know you're dating him" and "They're going to hit on him now because you're not interested" are the two most common. Fuckers.

Yet even in writing this my conscience is kicking me in the face. I'd be hard pressed to name more than three that I really don't like, and even those ones are still for the same reasons. Only they're like the Queen Bee's of the Music Theatre Whoredom so it's easier to focus it all on them.

The bigger problem is just who much we generalize. I'm doing it again right now in saying 'we' and implying that we all generalize, but for the most part we do. I'm more interested in finding out what caused the generalizations. We all know Whitby is full of hustlers who can probably give you an assortment of STDs by breathing on you, that there's a lot of really hot people in Newmarket, and that people in Woodbridge have oddly shaped penises that are only pleasurable to people from Ottawa who like sleeping with their best friend's ex-boyfriends. How'd it happen? Did the city planners say "Ok, we want to focus on getting parents with really whorey kids to move here" or did it just happen. If it did just happen, why continue it? I've met one person in all of my experiences with people who was from Whitby and wasn't a whore. Not looking good for the town that wants to be Oakville. More than that: it doesn't look good for the next generation of homos.

Don't expect me to help though. I foresee far too much potential humour to stop it.