July 2006 Archives

Up to last weekend when I told people what I was doing over the weekend, most people looked at me like I had just told them that I was in reality a spy for a new movement of bag ladies trying to take over the world. It's crazy, I know. I don't even know what a bag lady is. I wish it was a movement Janet Jackson is using to keep looking sexy. One can dream.

In reality I was at a wedding. I was at a wedding in Michigan. I was at a wedding in Michigan for a guy that Rob knew from the Internet. That was our hook for the weekend. We would take over the world (or just the wedding) and forever be remembered as those two Canadian guys from the Internet.

We left Rob's house at 8:00am, not so sharp. The original plan was to wake up at 6:00am and go. That fell through when Rob woke me up at 7:00am and ran around frantically trying to get all the shit we needed together. So by 8:00ish we were ready to go to McDonald's to feed ourselves before I drive.

I had packed the necessities: clothes, bag full of h2o stuff, and dungeon's and dragons books to read on the way down. In fact I was reading the book as we went through the drive through. That was a mistake, because as we were getting our bag of greasy breakfast the drive through guy was like "Dungeons and Dragons? Awesome!" Now I know that dressed up to go out (but not yet in our wedding outfits) that Rob and I don't look like regular D&D people. We lack the stereotypically greasy, acne covered skin, glasses and horrible fashion sense. Except for Rob usually has horrible fashion sense. My default response to an encounter like this is to go "duh?" and then decide if they're attractive or not. This time Rob did it for me. As I was leaning forward to look out Rob's window I caught a glimse of something I didn't like just in time for Rob to drive off and announce "You wouldn't like him." I've trained him well.

Driving on highways in Canada is boring. I had never actually been past Brantford on the 403 and I'd like to start by saying I wasn't impressed. While I understand that urban sprawl is the worst thing since ever, holy crap driving without it is boring. It was like driving up to Parry Sound, only worse because I didn't recognize any of it and couldn't tell when it would all end. That was until Sarnia showed up.

Funny thing about Sarnia: It starts, but the town doesn't show up. This posed a problem for us. Rob needed to get his passport out of the trunk and I needed to find a mall where I could buy black shoes and a belt, because I didn't own any. The mall we went to in Sarnia? Totally disappointing. Judged on the fact that even the American Eagle sucked. I managed to find a pair of slightly pleasant shoes and a way too big belt at Aldo. Then we continued our journey into Real America (because the fake one in Sarnia didn't cut it).

While we were on our way to Lansing we notice a few disturbing things. Every single highway we used was covered in exploded tires. What the hell is up with that? We saw enough tire pieces to completely tire an 18 wheeler with tons of spares. We talked to some people when we were at the reception and they said they were from big rigs losing tires. Doesn't anyone clean that up? Seriously. It's an eyesore. All we have here are lost shoes.

Traffic lights in Michigan suck. Instead of the standard lights on poles at the other side of the intersection, they hang lights diagonally across the intersection. This basically means you have to lean forward in your car to see the lights. Or drive an SUV. That might actually be what they were aiming for too.

On the way there we stopped at a McDonald's in Flint, Michigan, hometown of Michael Moore (who is a sexy beast). This is quite possibly the most beautiful McDonald's I have ever seen in my life. It looked like a Swiss Chalet inside, and included such sweet things as a fireplace with a tv on top, and mini chandeliers. On top of that, McChickens are only $1.00 down there. Granted they're not normal McChickens (they're the size of a Junior McChicken, have spices in them and some sort of horseradish mayo), it was still awesome. I got a meal for $3.

We wound up at the wedding early. This gave us time to drive around the most massive high school we had ever seen in our lives and change in its parking lot. Their website, found here gives you a rough idea of what one fifth of the school looked like. We filmed it so it should be included in the video when it's done.

The wedding itself went by really quickly, allowing us ample time to get to the reception and prep for drinking. The reception itself was only good for us because we went around filming everyone telling our story: "Hi I'm Rob, and this is Mike and we're from the Internet!"

While we were there I spent the day trying to figure out why I thought I knew someone in East Lansing. It turns out it was because I did know someone in East Lansing. Elissa, Alex's room mate from U of T lives in East Lansing. That totally meant we got coffee and sat on the grass. It's what the cool kids do. Then we drove home. Stay tuned for the video, it promises to be amusing.

A new website opened up last Friday. Now I'm normally not up to date on the happenings of the internet unless it involves some sort of gossip. This time it was different. This time I was included in the website.

Unforgotten Realms is a series of flash videos following Mike and Rob and their adventures with the game Dungeons and Dragons through their characters Eluamos and Schmoopy respectively. As of Friday there is only an intro and the first episode up. At this point I've already seen the finished version of episode two and the script for episode three. I think they're hilarious.

They're definitely funnier if you (a) have played D&D before, (b) have played some sort of RPG or MMO before, or (c) know Rob and/or Mike. So most of you at least have one of the three down.

If you listen to the scripts closely you'll quickly notice that I'm not actually doing the voice of Mike. In fact, I don't even have anything to do with writing the actual scripts. I just bicker with Rob and he uses that as a base. Also, I challenge you to spot the grammatical errors that I would/wouldn't make in a conversation. No seriously. Bonus points to anyone who finds one that I would make.

P.S. I know how to pronounce Dire.

P.P.S. I know that the commentary isn't a real commentary in the sense of television. Deal with it. It's funny.

I've been holding off on this for days, in hopes that I could post with the pictures that I took. Unfortunately Flickr is apparently having serious strokes or something and it keeps failing. So I gave up.

In a strange tribute to pop culture I found myself at two concerts over the weekend. Sarah and I had managed to get tickets for Panic! the day they went on sale, back when the concert was still at the Docks. Or so she says. I ignored all important concert information except that we had managed to get tickets before it sold out. What I didn't ever expect to have, in my life, was a ticket to Edgefest II.

A few days before the concert Miguel emailed me telling me that we had free tickets to Edgefest II should I choose to go with him. The catch was that I would have to drive him. It seemed like it would all work out. Saturday night would be the Panic! concert. Then Sunday morning I would mission out to St Catharines to finally get my pictures taken for the banner, and then get Miguel and go back to the Molson Amphitheatre for a second time in two nights. Brilliant.

The Panic! concert was one big pile of myspace kiddies who felt it was their sole purpose in life to drive me crazy and make me question my enjoyment derived from the band. Now, I don't claim to be a big Panic! At the Disco fan. Not by a long shot. I'm not elitist either. However I DID happen to preorder the CD before it came out, and I DO happen to know all of the songs and not just their singles. If you didn't see me singing along, it was because I was so frustrated with the little preteen girls who thought it would be a good idea to stand behind us and scream along to the singles at the top of their lungs. No seriously. They did. I even took a picture of Sarah's face after it happened the first time.

See? So not impressed. We gave them dirty looks and Sarah talked a lot of shit until they left. I also managed to get a really sweet picture of my glasses when the camera went off by accident. It was right before I brought back a classic and put my face in Sarah's cleavage.

I'd like to talk about the band who opened up for Panic! The Dresden Dolls are a really strange combination, probably brother sister duo/cousin duo/dating couple duo, of piano and drums. Their stuff found on the myspace profile is much cleaner than their live singing and a lot more enjoyable. Sarah and I have decided that Coin Operated Boy is totally our favourite song. I'm totally going to buy their CDs, assuming I can find them, and assuming they're not signed to Sony BMG.

Edgefest was interesting. I'm not going to pretend I was into any of the bands other than AAR or Yellowcard. So for the first part I wandered around aimlessly or pretended to be interested in the bands on stage. It didn't work very well. But then I found a Tacofish.

Tacofishes make everything better. So I was amused, even when I didn't like the bands. Then Graham and I wandered off and met randoms (including a hot boy). Then I did something unthinkable. I went into the mosh pit. Yes. I'll let that settle for a little bit. In my flip flops and with my sunglasses, I went into the mosh pit for AAR. I mean. It's AAR. And it's Yellowcard. Their mosh pits are tame (with the exception of those loser teens that I beat up).

At one point we were going to try and lift Heather up and send her crowd surfing but she pulled out my hair. So I stopped and took pictures for the rest of the night.

Here we have the end of my short but almost sweet viewing of Canadian Idol. When I started watching the show, most people I know through musical means got really upset with me. "That show is ridiculous; talented people don't actually win. Canada doesn't know what talent is, they just know what's pretty." I argued in vain that Canada as a country wasn't that stupid. I changed my tune a lot as the show progressed and I actually witnessed the travesty that is Canadian Idol. A week ago I was arguing that we were one of the dumbest nations ever. Now Nancy's kicked off and I feel no need to keep people happy and sugar coat everything.

I'd like to start by saying that I didn't like her song choice, but I give her credit for doing a better job with her song than say, oh Kati Durst, who butchered the song she wanted to sing. Or Steffi, who I love with a small part of my heart but did an only almost ok job of her song. Not that they need to worry, they're in the Top 10.

I'd like to talk about some problems with the way the show is set up too. Apparently now they compete as one big group, instead of guys vs guys and girls vs girls. Watch slowly as the guys get voted off one by one. I don't care what the fags at Sheridan think about how pretty Chad is; he's done a horrible job of every single one of his post-Top 22 songs. Brandon is pretty, and that's the only reason I cheer for him. Craig will be screwed (metaphorically) when he comes out of childhood and loses his high pitched voice, and then screwed (physically) when he comes out of the closet after moving away from Newfoundland. There's a trend here, watch for it. Tyler sings flat. Period. I'd also like to say something really horrible about Sarah Loverock, because she's so rude – but I can't. Fucking bitch can sing, and she has a life waiting for her when she goes home. What can I make fun of there? Nothing.

I'd like to talk about what happened over the past three shows (the systematic removal of people with talent, minus Sarah) as the reason of all my anger with Adam after stupidly suggesting that there be a judge with no musical training what so ever. No, that's what Canada is for and they've proven to me that they don't have musical training. Just in case you're wondering, chopsticks and a C major scale do not count. I blame most of this on idiotic twelve year old girls. I also guarantee that they ruin my Panic! at the Disco concert on Saturday. That's ok. I'll probably be drunk and I'll probably crush their spirits by pointing out that they ARE in fact liking to get pregnant at 16, only it won't be Brandon or Tyler or Craig, but some sleazy guy from their high school who won't graduate and will work at McDonald's or a Rec Centre for the rest of his life.

I'd also like to say that I'm the tiniest bit happy that Nancy is not continuing on Idol. Personally I would have liked her to be there to watch the whole group of untalented people go home, but having her win would mean her getting a record contract - a record contract with Sony. I loathe Sony. While I would have supported her, and purchased her album, and told everyone else to, I would have secretly felt incredibly guilty for caving in on my Sony Boycott. Oh well. Nancy, go get signed to Universal now and introduce me to McFly. That way we can exchange one moral ambiguity for another. Now come home so we can drool over the latte boy at Starbizzle.

Oh ya, and a BIG FUCK YOU to CTV for changing the airing time. I missed the show. Assholes. It's a good thing friends were taping it.

Over the weekend I was introduced to something new to be addicted to: Grey's Anatomy. To say I took to it like an addict taking to new drugs is an understatement; I watched the whole first season in 24 hours. It took me back to grade 11 when I went through that horrible period I like to call my "I don't know what I want to do after high school phase."

As I was finishing second semester in grade eleven I had realized that the science department and I didn't get along very well. Rather, physics and I got along decently enough considering the lack of effort I put into our relationship but chemistry required far too much memorization for me to take it to third base. I had come to the same assumption about biology, only it happened in grade nine. Memorization wasn't something I did. I wanted to know things, not have them memorized. Memorizing all the names to the parts of the cell was the equivalent of Chinese Water Torture. Or so I felt, I've never actually experienced it so I'm not sure how valid my claim is.

So as a result of the extra time spent finishing up my chemistry ISU after it had exploded during class, I had to stay behind to write a test during lunch. This test took place in a biology class after it had finished and some students were reviewing all the mistakes that had made on their tests. Listening to everything they talked about and by the end of the test I had the largest desire to go into medicine ever. I was also kicking myself for not taking it in grade eleven. In fact, I was so serious about it two days later I was in the guidance office redoing my whole schedule so that I would graduate with all the grade twelve sciences so I could go into some medicine program somewhere. Of course by the time August rolled around I had pussied out and switched back to taking all the grade twelve maths instead.

Grey's Anatomy gives me so much to hope for going back into school again. I want awesome roommates that I connect with like that. Not that I wouldn't be able to connect with Adam or Alex or Natasha. I'm just not living with them yet, and my mother has made my September living plans incredibly complicated. I want to be so passionate about what I do. One of my biggest fears is getting to UofT and finding out that I don't care about Commerce at all. Most of all I want to do something meaningful.

Let's talk for a minute about how awesome doctors are. Hello, they SAVE LIVES. That's what they do. Sure, other people may have more dangerous lifesaving work (i.e. firemen) or have stressful jobs making sure idiots don't kill themselves while they're having fun (see: lifeguards), but neither of them have the range of lifesaving skills that doctors have. I'm not even going to talk about surgeons now because that's just crazy. Cutting chunks out of a brain and not ruining anything? That's WTF awesome. People complain about how much doctor's make a year, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say they deserve it for doing what they do.

I've fallen in love with the cast - as in completely and totally in love. Even with Alex who is a major penisface. I wish I had gotten into this show sooner so I could have actually watched the second season while it was on. Now I'm going to have to try and find out when Season Two comes out on DVD (bonus points for that info). Until them I'll soak up some other series and then watch season one over and over again. If I happen to start pretending I'm a doctor let it go until I start trying to use terminology that I don't understand at all. Then you can throw a medical textbook at my head. Or maybe three.

Last night (July 5) was the second results show for this season of Canadian Idol, dropping us down to the Top 14 Competitors. This week I was healthy enough to see the guys perform too, instead of just the girls. So I was a little shocked to see who was eliminated this time around.

I was curious to see who was going to get cut. I missed Keith sing again because my Dad cut out the signal right at the end of the show, so as of right now all I've seen are clips of him sing. Incredibly unimpressive clips in which I want to change the channel or phone CTV and demand they show me something I can make a judgement on. Brandon butchered his song choice and it makes me incredibly sad to have to admit that. Craig sings well, but I'm so interested to see what happens once his voice changes because of puberty and he's fucked. Chad took a song that could have won him gay votes across the country and did a disappointing job with it. Tyler was off key his whole song, so I was sure he was going home this week. In fact I was almost giddy about it.

I was confident that Nancy would be safe and she was. The judges love her; Zach clearly (and truthfully) stated that she was the BOMB. Despite what everyone else thinks, I thought Ashley Coulter performed really well. I ranked her at the top with Sarah Loverock (who doesn't like me thanks to Adam's horrible jokes), Nancy, Eva and Alisha. So you can imagine how surprised I was when it was announced that Alisha, Alyssa, Greg and Chris were eliminated. Well except the Alyssa part. I give her credit for doing her thing, but it didn't work at all. Even when they announced the bottom four, I figured it would be Rob, Sheldon, Alyssa and Ashley Coles. Shows you how bad I am at predicting the voting habits of the Canadian public.

I'd like to say that I'm really glad Zach clarified that Nancy's an incredible singer. After the first week during one of my forays through Google I stumbled across the fact that Nancy was picked for votefortheworst.com because of her spazzing and the fact that she did a "really bad Jann Arden song." Now they've doubled back to not picking a female for last week because "Nancy is very VFTW but sings well, so it's a tough call." I guess that's what happens when people with no musical training whatsoever decide who gets a record contract. Although in reality I'm a little happy Alisha is gone: she was one of two people I thought Nancy had to worry about. One down, one to go.

It was Canada day on Saturday and I had a BBQ. As a result of my laziness and people RSVPing and disappearing, only about half of the people who were supposed to showed up. You'd think I'd be bitter or feel like a loser, but I really don't. I was afraid of people coming because then I'd have to entertain them. Instead I sat around and did nothing.

Saturday before the BBQ Adam and I went on Operation Nancy is a Sexypants to save her from Canadian Idol induced isolation. We're cool like that. It happened after a long conversation with Nancy about how neither of us had gone to Starbucks in a long time. In "Kelly Clarkson's greatest single" to be exact, a.k.a. Since you've been gone for those of you who aren't big losers.

We walked from her hotel up to the first Starbucks we could find, which coincidentally was not even near being the closest one to where we started. We got insider info on all the exciting Idol drama which I have been forbidden to repeat on pain of one million punches to the face. We talked about who got cut and who we thought was going to get cut. Nancy gave her sad face for when Koz was eliminated.

Then she gave an example of my potential sad face for if Brandon was eliminated.

You'll notice the striking similarities. Nancy has a habit of making beasty faces when they take a picture of her to use for the site. I tried to recreate the beasty face Nancy was making when they took a picture of her singing "Could I be your girl" last Tuesday. I didn't hit it right on so Nancy redid it to show me what I was doing wrong.

It was all about the front on camera angle. So Nancy Silverman will be back again on Tuesday rocking out and I'm excited to spam vote for her again.

P.S. I almost forgot! I met Steffi D, Sarah Loverock and Brandon's Mom. I nearly fainted, much to Adam's amusement.