Daily Offerings: December 2005 Archives

So the holidays are coming to a close and I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself. Hopefully now that the stores are open again for regular hours, and the madness of Boxing Day has passed I might be able to get back into my regular schedule.

I ended up spending most of Christmas Eve Day hung over. The thing that I'm coming to learn about drinking beer is that it's so easy to just stand there and sip the beer without feeling like you're drinking a lot because there isn't the strong alcoholic taste that hard liquor has. Soon enough you've had 12 beers and the alcoholic taste that hard liquor has doesn't seem so bad. Then before you know it you're giving Torie a lap dance before sitting on her bottle of beer.

Christmas Eve Day was also spent talking to people trying to remember what I did most of the night before hand. It was also spent reading embarrassing events of the night on other people's livejournal's. Like Jess' livejournal:

Christmukah party with Mike and others resulted in drunkenness, a fresh fancy The Mike Haddad Show t-shirt, and discovery that no! Nick doesn't hate me, and never did. New friend for the Jessica! We hung out like buddies. Mike and I also shared many smarties off each other's tongues, hahaha we're classy.

It's funny, because at the time sucking smarties off of each other's tongues didn't seem like anything but a sweet idea. You'd think we were straight or something. Well, you'd think I was. She still is.

It could totally have something to do with the fact that I was very dressed to impress. But then again, so was everyone else.

At one point Rob even tackled me and we started wresting. It was probably because he was so jealous. I kicked his ass though, and there's no denying it. Everyone saw it. Now if only the pictures had captured my finer moments in the fight. Alas, I wound up with this.

My house was packed full of people I hadn't seen in months or years. No more like just months. I also spent the next day talking to a lot of them about how I couldn't remember anything. Sweet - and I've digressed so much. But I figure it's ok because I have pictures.

I also spent a lot of Christmas Eve itself on flickr putting up all my photos. I've decided that I'm not going to host my pictures anymore because it eats up too much space and too much bandwidth. This was decided at the Damage Control Coffee Meeting that Davey and I had after I had a huge argument with my brother, father and mother.

It was all his fault, although I'm sure in the end Rob will get blamed. They decided to steal the RAM from my brother's computer. Unfortunately my brother doesn't like to follow the laws of physics and was unable to place said RAM back in his computer properly. This lead to a lot of yelling because his computer wasn't working, and he claimed it was broken. It was made worse by the fact that I was totally hung over and don't enjoy my family blaming me for things that I haven't even looked at. My mistake for assuming he could put RAM in properly. Eventually I got the RAM in and his computer working, but there was still a lot of anger floating around the house. To cope I went to Adam's for the night and we watched Rules of Attraction.

Christmas morning I was up at 10 because there was banging and screaming about presents being opened. I went down to watch my younger cousins get all excited about Christmas. I'm sure I would have thought it was cuter had I been awake and hyped about Christmas. I knew exactly what I was getting, because I had picked it out beforehand and put it all on hold. Black Lacoste Polo, Grey and Beige Lacoste Zip-up, Sweet Black Diesel Zip-Hoody and a pair of Fidelity jeans because I needed jeans that fit. Of course, my family stuck to that and nothing else. I did get shopping money from the extended family though, and that rocked. Christmas Lunch was at 12 and I spent the rest of the afternoon wasting away until I went downtown with Laurence.

For Boxing Day I made two trips to two malls: Square One and Sherway. Not because I needed to go shopping or wanted to see the sales, but because I needed to get out of my house. I went to Square One with my aunt and uncle and walked around with them while they shopped. There was also a Leianne and Sweet Purse sighting. Afterwards I went to Sherway with Torie because one mall was not enough and we needed mall time.

And that ladies and gentlemen is how I wasted away over the 4 Days of Holiday Madness. I hope that everything you did was just as, or more exciting.

These are some of my favourite pictures up on my flickr account. Check it out, it's sweetr.

Last night was the Eve of Eve, and this time it was my turn to host the party. In honour of the fact that I was holding the Third Annual Eve of Eve Party instead of Torie, I decided I would take my artistic license and turn it into a Chrismukkah party. All this meant was that there was a sweet menorah that at one point wound up in the oven because my friends are just weird like that. Oh Oakville, how I missed you.

I can't even begin to explain how much fun it was. As soon as people starting showing up at the times I told them to, things got rolling. This should be taken as an important lesson for Eugene to learn when it comes to showing up on time. See, Eugene decided that he was told to show up at 7:00, not 8:30-9:00ish like I told him. He was lucky enough to show up around 7:30, leaving me to entertain him, Erin and Chi while I worked out the final details of the party. Nice work Eug.

Originally I was hesitant to drink because as a host it's always a good idea to make sure that Rob, Davey, and Dave are not taking stuff and moving it around the house, rearranging furniture, baking menorahs in the oven or playing with your lawnmower. I'm glad I had the idea to start Rob drinking so he would settle down with Alex. Stroke of genius if you ask me.

The AE Crew didn't make any appearances – they were all working until 6:00am. I'd pity them, but I had too much fun to feel that bad. Besides folding shirts and jeans is so much fun. The Asians showed up in three crazy waves, filled with much screaming, laughing and even tackling one time. What's the point of having Asians there if no one's getting the shit kicked out of them?

There will be pictures as soon as I can get everyone's together. Eugene has pictures up on his flickr account; Davey took 73 pictures and a video with my camera. Torie, Mel and Josh are also definite camera owners from the party. So expect something to eat up a lot of my bandwidth soon. I'm going to go get ready, tomorrow is the day of MANY presents that was preceded by 8 days of presents and I'm expecting to get some sweet gifts.

Sarah got back from Queen's (finally) and we celebrated by going shopping, because really is there a better way for two people who go comfort shopping on a regular basis to hang out? Didn't think so. What better mall could there have been for us to go to than Sherway Gardens.

We spent a lot of time just talking about things that we had already talked about a million times over the past two weeks but we some how managed to make it fun anyways. The thing about shopping when you shop as much as the two of us do is that you're not actually there to try and buy something nice anymore. No, we've already purchased almost anything that's worth purchasing. Instead we go and make fun of people while trying to find something more to purchase. It's not our fault that we've managed to have the act of being mean down to an art form.

I spent much of the time there complaining about how there was nothing worth buying. I've stopped going into stores like Banana Republic and Gap because they're just not worth my time. Hell, Holt Renfrew is hardly worth my time but I go in anyways because it's Holt Renfrew and to go to Sherway Gardens and not go into Holt Renfrew is like a sin.

A disgusting thing to note: We did go into American Eagle, and I did edge their graphic tees. Sarah needed a brown graphic tee in a medium. They only had smalls and extra smalls on the floor. Eventually some guy wearing a roccawear shirt that was 3 sizes too big went to get more brown tees. Instead of checking for the medium, he dropped a huge pile of them, told us if there's a medium it would be in this large pile, and walked away. Nice work. Sometimes I wonder why people don't get fired. So I went through all the shirts, piled them properly and told them they had no more mediums.

Over the day I there were a few conclusions that I came to. First, I need to stop talking about people because they'll inevitably show up thirty minutes later. Here's how I'm backing this one up. Sarah and I some how got on the topic of Western which lead to talking about James. How we got on the topic of Western is long forgotten; something about people going there to learn how to strip or something. So of course it would only make sense that while we're looking for sizes in American Eagle I look up to see James.

My second conclusion was that I am incapable of communicating with people. When James walked in the store instead of saying, "Hey look it's James! Isn't it ironic that we see him?" I just stand there and say "James. James. James" over and over again leaving Sarah to think that I finally have cracked and I'm lost in a sea of extra small graphic tees. So this leads me to my new slogan for the day: Don't communicate, fornicate.

But I know that I'm incredibly jealous of scottage cheese because he's pretty. Whether it be the camera, or the photographer or photoshop or what. I'm jealous. That's right, I went there.

I know that listening to "Everything I Do" by Brandy is a bad idea, but I'm doing it anyways.

I'm also drunk enough to know that alcohol brings out the worst in me. So why do I do it?

It always amuses me to see how other people will judge me. Everyone judges, and everyone gets judged but it's not always the case that you find out what people think. I don't mind being judged. In fact, I feel most things that we do is so that other people will judge us. Clothing, piercings, scarring, music taste, makeup style; it's all so people will think something about us. Unless of course you're writing a final and you show up in your jammies – then you're just a university student.

Last night Adam and I attended a Sheridan Musical Theatre party. Nancy from American Eagle and Adam have been bonding over their love of musicals and Judaism, so when Adam was invited to the party I eventually decided to tag along because I do things like that. I have to admit, it wasn't as musical as I expected it to be and that's probably because I forgot to make a distinction between musical and musical theatre. The difference being the second one generally has a lot more homos involved.

I hate to have to admit it to everyone, but I was totally on the prowl. I was on the prowl, and I was feeling much more attractive than everyone else in there despite the fact that I was in an American Eagle sweater and Mavi jeans. It's a bad combination and makes for a really queeny Mike.

It's not so much that I felt out of place, I just like to analyze things. So for the first part of the party, I stood against a wall and watched people making mental notes. Mental notes and tallying up scores for people based on how much potential I felt they had. I know, it's a horrible thing to do, but I did it. Not to say I didn't talk to people. I definitely talked. I talked a lot. I checked out some guys, some girls flirted with me, and much fun was had.

The problem with going to a musical theatre party is that people either assume you're in musical theatre, or you're straight. See where I'm going with this. At one point I squared off with some guy in a scarf. He made the mistake of asking who I was, as if it was ok for him to not know. More importantly, he made the mistake of asking who I was in a condescending tone. Not a good idea. Eventually he made the argument that he "trumped" me because he had been on System Crash and in Stratford something or other. Don't get me wrong, on a scale from one to awesome System Crash was somewhere below Breaker High and Student Bodies, but I don't care. Hell I didn't even understand what the Stratford nonsense was. Sure, acting or something. Great. My response?

Mike: That's nice. I'm a math student, I go to Waterloo for Computer Science
Them: Eew, math.
Mike: No kidding, but it's number one for a reason.

Don’t get me wrong, Sheridan has a sweet musical theatre program. Just don't make the mistake of assuming that because I'm loud and because I take care of my appearance that I'm an arts student - a ditzy arts student. As much as I enjoy being ditzy and loud, I can still understand find the limits to sequences like Xn+1 = sqrt (2 + Xn) (the limit is easy, and 2.) I'll dance around to the divas, both old and new, but I still know what someone is talking about when they ask to be my derivative so they can tangent up my curves. I want to punch them, and vomit, but I understand.

The tallying for guys went decently enough I guess. For reasons that will not be repeated in even this liberal space I was incompatible with a large number of them. Limiting my choices to four or five, scoring went as follows:

Number One lost points for being queeny and slutty. I'm sure things would have worked out perfectly. For maybe 10 minutes. Sure, I'm being quick to judge and jump to conclusions. But it's what I do best, and I'm doing it right now. I'm sure he's a great guy, and maybe the universe will prove me wrong. I doubt it though.

Number Two lost points for reminding me of an ex. As soon as I realized that he got a big 110 and I moved on.

Number Three was new, and I'm totally not dealing with new. Well let me rephrase that. I'll deal with new, if the new still lets them settle down. It won't though, because new is almost synonymous with promiscuous sex. And by almost, I mean it is.

Finally, Number Four didn't have any horrible qualities but didn't have anything special either.

So in conclusion I'm extremely shallow and it's totally clashing with my desire to date. But it should make for some amusing stories to tell over the next few months.

So, I've come to the conclusion that I seriously need to get up on that whole Asian Karaoke thing. I totally don't mean like cheap, at the bar, old white men singing country songs karaoke. I mean like, room with television and music videos playing along with the words at the bottom – generally not in English. I need to plan a trip to Pacific Mall soon.

Last night I spent some much needed time with Steve, because he is quite possibly the coolest person in the world. At least, that's what he told me to tell everyone and I obliged because I'm not creative enough to come up with something else to call him. The thing about partying with friends of a friend who is still in high school is that all the people there are in high school. Yes, easy assumption that could have been made on my part had I taken any time at all to think about it. But I didn't, and hilarity ensued.

The first thing I had to do last night was have a highly needed and well deserved dinner at Turtle Jack's with the AE Crew. Well, half the AE Crew – but that's ok. Marc came to pick me up (40 minutes after he said he would) and we met Becky, Jackie and Sarah. Sweet pictures did happen. The waitress also admitted to us that she too suffered from a lack of sex. This may just have been because I yelled out that I was cranky because I wasn't getting any while she was there. Smooth.

We're so adorable.

Boob shots rock!

And a picture of Marc that he didn't like, because I think it's cute.

After dinner I made my way out to Hamilton to meet up with Steve and his friends at their party. I had completely forgotten what it was like to be at a high school party until I got there. I walked in and there were drunken children everywhere. So much that I thought there were too many drunken people. There were also a lot of these mini-gangsters who think that because they were baggy pants they have some sort of street cred. Try living with street children for two months, then come back and talk to me.

Since I was of age (Wow, way to make me feel old), a boy came up to me and asked me if I would get him alcohol. I had to think about it (for all of 1.5 seconds) before I said yes. I was worried that this might turn into another PBig situation. Which I will explain right now.

One day over the summer Adam and I decided to take a trip down to the ever so lovely Village (not to be confused with the new fake Queer West Village). We decided to be cheap and ate at Pizza Pizza instead of Zelda's as per usual. Maybe it was a mistake. As we were finishing our meal, some kids walked up to us and thought they knew me so they sat down and started talking to us. It turns out that I did eventually know one of the ten kids who sat down, so we blessed them with conversation.
As we were getting ready to go to the LCBO to get some alcohol for Laurence's get-together one of the boys asked Adam if he would buy him so beer. Seeing as how Adam was feeling generous he said yes, and we walked to the LCBO only to find it was closed. So we walked back to the Beer Store, bought this boy his beer and we went on our way. In the course of that 5 minutes the boy managed to fall in love with me, and tell us how he had met some person that he thought was so great and he was in love with, only to find out that the person wasn't so great. It was cute, until the same thing happened again and again, to a count of upwards of 10 guys – in a week.

We left the boy to his own devices, only to see him 10 minutes later getting kicked out of Pizza Pizza for having an open beer in there. Apparently he was 15, and had no idea that walking with open alcohol in public is AGAINST THE LAW. Geez. Who would have guessed. Needless to say Adam hasn't bought anyone alcohol since.

I pushed aside the fear that this would happen, bought the beer, filled up on gas, and went back to the party. I had a little bit of bonding time with Steve and Graham before we went back into the party.

That was my first party since I got my NLS and I'm not sure I can enjoy myself anymore. It wasn't even 10:30 and people were already throwing up, and falling down the stairs. My inner monologue screamed "SPINAL!" and "Semi-prone!" more than once that night. I eventually just sat down and chilled with the quiet, slightly less drunk kids.

It was good. Steve and I played with the camera. Then we drove all over Hamilton driving people home, because there was no where else for people to pass out.

I don't think you're ready for this jelly.